It’s difficult not to compare yourself to others. We all do it from time to time at work, school, with friends, and on social media.
Continuously measuring your performance, on the other hand, may have a negative impact on your mental health and self-esteem.
I’ll never look like that. Marissa is a simple statement that may quickly become into “I’ll never be good enough for anyone.”
Simply looking in the mirror can easily lead to feelings of self-hatred and frustration. These sensations might be especially distressing if you already have a mental health problem, such as anxiety or depression.
If you’re wondering if you have self-hatred, keep an eye out for some of the following common symptoms:
100% or nothing guarantees. You see life as a series of deadlines, the majority of which result in disaster. If I fail this exam, I’ll be a terrible loser and drop out of college, for example, emphasizes the negative. Whatever your day was like—whether it was full of sunshine, ice cream, or puppies—all you can think about is what went wrong.
It is true that one should believe what one feels. I am a failure, you believe, rather than I feel like a failure.
challenges with self-esteem You have doubts about your abilities to engage with friends and family, apply for new jobs, or explore new chances.
Don’t be startled if this seems familiar. Even though your current condition appears to be overwhelming, know that you are deserving of love, especially from yourself.
Continue reading for some pointers to get you started on the path to self-love.
Recognize Your Triggers
Identifying the root cause of a problem is the first step towards its resolution.
If you have a serious case of self-hatred, it can be good to sit with it and try to figure out where it came from. Because you do not exist in a vacuum, consider what may have created these emotions.
You’ve probably heard it a million times, but writing may be quite helpful in this scenario. Consider sitting down at the end of the day and going over your day mentally. Make a note of the following:
how you acted during the day, who you were with, how you felt throughout specific activities, and
If you don’t think best when writing, you can produce quick videos or audio notes for yourself on your phone. You may also spend a few seconds to reflect on what transpired that day.
Whatever method you use to unpack your day, try to search for any repeating themes or patterns that could indicate to the cause of your negative thoughts.
Once you’ve identified your triggers, you may begin working on building tactics to prevent or reduce them. Some triggers may be impossible to avoid, so learning how to cope with them is essential.
Confront Your Negative Thoughts
When you’re not in the mood to journal or ponder, self-hatred can creep in. Try chatting to yourself in your brain when this happens.
If you think, “I despise myself,” asking “Why?” right away can be helpful. If the response is “I look terrible in this dress” or “I really messed up that meeting,” try challenging that notion as well.
Say to yourself, “That’s not true.” Consider the following reasons why this negative thought is erroneous.
Don’t give up if the positive side of the circumstance does not dominate. Simply disputing these unfavorable thoughts promotes the notion that self-hatred is an emotion rather than a reality or indisputable truth.
Engage In Some Positive Self-Talk
When one lacks compassion for oneself, self-hatred often emerges. While you’re feeling happy, try making a list of the things you like about yourself.
If you’re at a loss for words, stay cool. When you’re feeling low, it’s difficult to feel love for yourself. If it helps, try to concentrate on qualities of yourself that you just enjoy or tolerate.
You may provide excellent care for your pet or always bring the ideal dish to a picnic.
Make a duplicate of this list and keep it somewhere you’ll see it often. Stop, take a deep breath, and say one of the items on your list anytime thoughts of self-hatred occur.
Change Your Negative Attitudes
Reframing is an effective therapy strategy for battling negative thoughts and self-hatred. Typically, you only need to shift your mental perspective significantly.
It could mean looking at the bright sides of a bad situation or viewing an issue in a new light. Reframing is about teaching your brain to perceive and focus on the positive, however you choose to try it.
Yes, that is a minor change. You, on the other hand, are framing an all-or-nothing claim as a single instance.
This makes the negative energy appear less overwhelming and irrevocable. After all, a poor work presentation is only one example, and you can always better the next time.
Try to think of a small way to recast the sentence “I hate myself” the next time you want to convey it so that it is more manageable and specific.
Spend Time With Those Who Are Happy To See You
If you despise yourself, you may want to withdraw. You may believe that spending time with your friends or family is something you do not deserve. Alternatively, you may assume that no one wants to be around you.
Despite the fact that our negative self-talk may make withdrawing from social settings appear to be the best decision, research has shown that this isn’t always the case.
Because social involvement boosts our self-esteem, our ability to connect with others is critical to preserving our mental health. It creates an environment in which we feel valued and cared for.
Spending time with our loved ones, whether a friend, family member, or partner, is the best way to combat these pessimistic thoughts. Visit when going for a walk, getting coffee, or watching a movie together.
Social connection can invigorate and cherish you.
Develop Empathy For Oneself
The most difficult item on the list may also be the most beneficial.
Self-compassion and self-love are not the same thing. It means accepting your flaws, limitations, and bad ideas for what they are: chaotic human moments.
It includes forgiving oneself in the same way that you would forgive a loved one who had been enraged and yelled at you.
Try to be gentle with yourself the next time you find yourself going down the rabbit hole of self-hatred. Recognize your bad mood and tell yourself that everything is fine.
Do you continually reflect about prior decisions that you now regret? Remember that mistakes are unavoidable. You don’t have to let your actions define you.
Developing self-compassion, of course, takes time. However, research has shown that self-compassion, like reframing or meditation, is a skill that can be learnt.
Look For Help
Never forget that you are not alone in your journey to mental health. Everyone has been in your shoes at some point, and the majority of people need a little help to get by.
The advice on this list should be implemented with the help of a reputable mental health expert. It is acceptable to seek aid. This is the most effective way to learn how to stop your self-hatred and negative self-talk.
The capacity to move from “I despise myself” to “I will do better tomorrow” is one of the most useful life talents you can have.
It won’t come naturally, but you’ll have it eventually, and having it will help you be prepared for anything else life throws at you.